Do as I say, not as I do. I just wrote a short journal post saying I had a good breakfast and the chances of staying on target were slim. I know how I feel and it’s the same as everyday that I don’t eat right.

I can tell that I have that fear in the back of my mind (or maybe not so far back) that I can’t do it yet because the sugar cravings won’t let me. It’s just easier to give in. And it is. Easier. And hard at the same time.

It’s like I have two brains. One knows what I should be doing and the other does the opposite. The logical brain watches the sugar brain eat M&Ms and screams don’t do that! You’ll just fatter and have more pain! And the sugar brain does it anyway. It’s never like I eat potato chips and realize afterwards; oh crap. I ate potato chips!. Nope. I see myself doing it and know full well what the consequences will be.

Usually, when I start the diet right, it’s when I notice that I haven’t had anything crappy for the past few hours, I feel ok, so let’s continue on. I don’t die, so I guess it’s ok. Intellectually, I know I won’t die or even end up in a corner having convulsions from sugar withdrawals, but my other brain doesn’t seem to get it and quietly grips my hands and makes me eat junk.

When I first came across how diet works (not ‘A’ diet, but diet), it was extremely easy to “just do it”. I had info that made perfect sense for the first time in my life and I dove in. Not as easy any more. Maybe the many years of failure have jaded me. Or my sugar addiction is much worse. Or both. My health issues are more numerous or more pronounced. The further down the hole you go, the further up you have to climb.
At some point, I’m just going to have to suck it up and takes whatever consequences come with it. At most, I’ll only feel like crap for a few days. I need to plan this so I have less excuse to slip up. Pain in the ass. Planning.